📘 NRI Confessions

Hi… I’m Shruthi (name changed), 26 years old. MS chesa Texas lo. Dream tho vacchanu US ki….oka better life, good job, self-respect, and to repay my parents' sacrifices.

Initial struggle tarvata, naaku oka job dorikindi in my OPT period. Worked for a mid-level product company for about a year. Everything seemed fine… until layoffs happened.

I still remember that day. Friday call, 5 mins lo job gome. No warnings. No extension. Just like that, dream America turned into survival mode.

I had just started repaying my student loan — $50K+ total. Cleared some amount of it. Monthly installment $800-$900. And without job, adi pay cheyadam kasthem aindi.

Stem OPT start aindi, so I joined an Indian consultancy. Chala mandi warning icharu — "fake pay checks, tax mess, they’ll trap you." Kaani inkem option ledu. Consultancy person, Ravi (names marchanu), chala friendly ga undevadu. Said, "Nuvvu tension padaku, nenu unna." At that moment, I just needed someone to say that.

Job search start chesanu — night and day. Applications, calls, fake interviews, real interviews, ghosting, rejections. Almost 1 year aipoindi. Inka job raaledu.

Meanwhile, consultancy paychecks run chestunnaru.Every month $1,500 consultancy ki, $900 loan ki. Food, rent, health anni chala tough ayay. 6-7 roommates tho untuna. Room lo problems.

Edhe time lo Ravi tho frequent ga matladadam start ayyindi. First it was just consultancy updates, pay check discussions. Tarvata, late night calls. Tanaki thana past and present marriage problems ani share chesukune vadu. Nenu cry ayye moments lo, tanu calm cheyyadam start chesadu.

Oka night, tanu cheppadu. "I really care for you. Nuvvu naatho comfortable unte, enduku alone feel avuthunnav?" Nenu confuse ayyanu. But truth entante… I didn’t feel alone when I spoke to him.

One weekend tanu na city ki ochadu. Consultancy meeting ani cheppi, kalisam. That night, physical ga close ayam. Adhi thappu ani thelusu… but emotionally nenu already weak ayipoyina time. Tarvata, anni maripoyayi. Tanu regular ga call cheyyadam, gifts pampadam, moral support ivvadam. He taken care of my consultancy fees and all. He was never forceful, but always available. In this foreign country where survival became my life, he became my comfort.

I know… tanu married. But emotionally, mentally, and now even physically — nenu attach ayyanu thanaki.

I don’t know if I love him… or just addicted to someone who didn’t leave me when I was at my lowest. But I know one thing if he don’t support me i will be in trouble and will need leave country, I’m not just leaving a country… leaving the dream I worked hard for.. leaving to India with lakhs of debt.