Modern Arranged Marriage Expectations: Separate Living, Household Roles & The ‘Clean Past'
I'm 28F, and recently, my parents and I started looking for a match. After meeting a few people, we finally found a guy(29M) who seemed decent, good job, polite, educated. Before saying yes, we asked all the practical questions: what's your salary, do you own a car, do you have a house, do you live with your parents, and so on. I made it clear from the start that I wanted to live separately, not in a joint family. I didn't want the usual drama that comes with in-laws. I think that's fair, right? Every girl deserves her own space.
He told me honestly that he's still paying off his flat loan and doesn't have a car yet. That was a bit disappointing, but we thought we could still consider him. But then, during our conversations. he mentioned a few of his expectations too. He said he wanted his wife to take care of the home and manage household chores. He said he doesn't mind if she's a housewife but wants her to handle cooking and cleaning properly. I was honestly shocked. I told him just because I'll be a housewife doesn't mean I'll be doing all the cooking and cleaning. I also said I expect him to hire a maid or help me out
And then he added that he values a woman with a "clean past," which I found very old-fashioned and offensive. I came home and told my parents that I don't want to proceed with him. I can't marry a man who still thinks women should handle household work or be judged on their past. I didn't know how to respond. Maybe I just wanted things to be perfect. Maybe I expected too much. Or maybe I just didn't realize that sometimes, we become the same kind of unreasonable that we complain about in others. I feel like women deserve better, don't give up on your requirements. we deserve better in this era
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He told me honestly that he's still paying off his flat loan and doesn't have a car yet. That was a bit disappointing, but we thought we could still consider him. But then, during our conversations. he mentioned a few of his expectations too. He said he wanted his wife to take care of the home and manage household chores. He said he doesn't mind if she's a housewife but wants her to handle cooking and cleaning properly. I was honestly shocked. I told him just because I'll be a housewife doesn't mean I'll be doing all the cooking and cleaning. I also said I expect him to hire a maid or help me out
And then he added that he values a woman with a "clean past," which I found very old-fashioned and offensive. I came home and told my parents that I don't want to proceed with him. I can't marry a man who still thinks women should handle household work or be judged on their past. I didn't know how to respond. Maybe I just wanted things to be perfect. Maybe I expected too much. Or maybe I just didn't realize that sometimes, we become the same kind of unreasonable that we complain about in others. I feel like women deserve better, don't give up on your requirements. we deserve better in this era
Read more Married NRI confessions here
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